Shell
by Jazz7
Summary: Predators are especially dangerous at night. Lisa should beware... Warning: Undescriptive adult content KXL


**Author's Notes:** You guys knew this was coming. At least those who read "Half Pain". I wanted to rewrite "Half Pain", give a reason for the things that Lisa says and does to Kaze, and give Kaze's side of the story. And I could, in fact I have in my mind a long rolling epic like _Titanic_ of _Australia_ or something, but then I thought "Hey, make it short and make it smutty. No one cares about the stuff before or after the smut." That and I'm in a smut writing mood. Or was in. So for any suggestive content in this, I'm sorry in advance.

I still don't know if I should make a continuation after this. Expand the story somewhat. I have the idea in my mind, but I'm afraid I would have to take it someplace other than this site. There is a limit to how much adult content you can put without being **too** adult. Also, this is in Kaze's point of view and shows what he was thinking during "Half Pain". So, those whothought I was just going to pick on Lisa in my series of very dramatic fan fiction, rejoice!

This is also inspired by the Witch Hunter Robin ending song Shell, sung by Bana. Since song-fics are banned I'm only going to quote a slight portion of it. Lyrics for Shell and Half Pain are from animelyrics(.com). I give credit where credit is due, so thank you who ever translated these lyrics.

One-shot

Title: Shell

Summary: Predators are especially dangerous at night. Lisa should beware... Warning: Undescriptive adult content (KXL)

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_Amidst this drop of time gone dry_ _My heart is drowning and writhing_ _...I became lost_ _In a world of thin darkness._ _For the sake of those whom I should trust_ _I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now_ _there's no escape._

The familiar dream wakes me up again. I can't save her so I cry out into the darkness that has ensnared my heart. Thankfully, along with my heart, my voice has failed me once more and I sit up in the storage room, surrounded by rubbish and my own sorry self.

It's morning, somewhere in the world, yet we lie sleeping in darkness.

Chaos. Kumo. What do they all mean? For I have started to remember since her embrace. Lou's embrace also.

But it is not Lou I think of.

Most find me repulsive. As if, along with my arm, I gave up my humanity. And maybe they are right. Maybe I have given it up. But I am still a man. I live with a man's wants, a man's desires and needs.

Her innocent eyes haunt me.

You see, I remember her. Standing on the shore that day. How could I not?  
It would be so easy to drown myself in pity, but her hatred, trapped behind her eyes and lovely smile, stops me every time.

For you see, if I had the choice I would do it all over again. I would rip apart her heart again and again if it would destroy chaos, I would deny myself everything, even the ability to breath, if it would mean I can put an end to my life and Chaos.

But I can't. And it won't end, this cycle. And the truth is I'm too weak to stop myself from wanting.

I'm still a man. Somewhere under these scars and matted hair, ragged clothes and this cursed gun, I'm still a man.

And a man has needs sometimes.

Which is why I know exactly when Lisa woke up and started coming downstairs.

I should go back to sleep, turn over and give her space. But I smell despair in the air and her restless breath shaping her lips and creating a sad sigh. Her scent arouses me. Lisa smells like the sea. Maybe sandalwood as well from the soap in the shared shower room on the ship.

It should be a more feminine scent. It should be **my** scent.

The violence of this thought stops me in my tracks and before I know it I'm already in the kitchen.

Lisa enters, and predictably her eyes wident with fear.

And hatred.

I want to smile. I do, lazily like a cat. I want her hatred. It will be sweeter taking her that way.  
As soon as these thoughts come to my mind I want to shoot myself. Have I, the Destroyer of Chaos, become corrupted by it? Am I feeding off her sorrow?

Lisa moves towards the fridge, I move towards her. It startles her that I'm suddenly besides her, suddenly so close, and there's an echo of something more in her eyes.  
Don't tell me she hasn't thought of it too, lying awake at night, tossing and turning, wondering about **us**.

I'm sure, and I'm always correct about these things, that in her world she has a man and he is probably better than me. More kind, more compassionate. And certainty does not smell like old sweat all the time or wave a gun in her face. But he can't excite her as I can. And it's not his name on her lips when she dreams at night.

But this is a secret between us, a secret between conspires to madness.

She wants to kill me, yet she wants me too. I want the same things, kill and have her, but not in that order and not for the same reasons.  
I can see the future. When one sense is taken another replaces it. I can sense that this will all end with one of us standing over the other, promising death. For as long as she harbors hate in her heart Chaos will prosper. And as long as Chaos prospers I must destroy Chaos.

So I have to kill her.

But it doesn't have to hurt. And it doesn't even have to happen if she realizes the poison in her heart.

Look at her, contemplating the knives and how to get to them. How to hurt me. She shyly looks away and starts talking about, of all things, Borscht!

"I learned this while in Russia. Usually, it takes a long time. But with a few simple short cuts..."

Ah, Russia. I knew we would get their eventually. My second sight is good for more than the future. I look at her and I see her past. Tragic, pathetic. The lonely girl who had both her mommy and her simple, country life taken away. Spirited away to a foreign land with a man that she will never know and cannot understand. He gives her a fine education, she tries to love him but fails. Lisa has only herself and her powers to rely on, powers her father cultivates for his own purposes. Lisa begins to fear her powers, but must use them to survive. Memories haunt her of Chaos and she becomes a soldier to learn more and hopefully find a reason behind the death of her mother. And then the rest, as they say, is history.

If it was only her mother's death she would not hate me. Maybe she has already started to forgive me. No, it is her father and Russia she cannot forgive. Like me she rationalizes it. If I hadn't gone to Russia, she thinks, then I would have stayed home and have mastered my martial arts. I would have grown up in love. I would not be here facing death everyday. I would not have known the coldness of my father and his emotional abuse.  
And, the ultimate sin, I would not love the man that murdered my mother.

But to be honest, I didn't murder her. I **slaughtered** her. There's a difference.

I killed a lot of people that day before her mother could deflect the blast. They were necessary casualties. Can the soldier be blamed for the farmer he kills to secure his commander's base? Be he evil or be he good, in death everything is made equal.

But I'm drifting, and maybe it shows on my face or in my voice when I ask her:

"How old were you when Chaos invaded your world?"

It takes her breath away. Hatred, this time unmasked fury, is in her eyes. And it is breathtakingly beautiful.

"Seven."

But I already knew that. For when our eyes had met, that long ago day when you saw my true form, our destiny had been sealed. It would not have mattered if your mother had lived, you would have still ended up mine. And it is this fact that I hope to drive into your heart tonight. Among other things.

I walk toward her, taking my time and savoring the moment, and she flinches. Draws away from me. Cuts herself instead of me. Her fear is as exquisite as her hatred. Not for the second time I wonder if I have gone mad, if Chaos really has a hold on my heart.

Her blood, Lisa's blood, is intoxicating.  
It reminds me of my sister, of the battlefield, and the fact that she can't bleed anymore. That none of them can bleed anymore.

I can smell it. It's making me dizzy. Another flickering thought: Can I bleed anymore?

I also remember a familiar custom. Don't spill the blood, for in the blood is the soul. Lisa's soul.

I want it.

If I can't have her body I want her soul.

Before she can react, I take her into my embrace (as awkward as that embrace is with only one arm) and take her hand. She's cut her finger, it will probably need stitches. The blood linking out is rich and a deep crimson. Lisa trembles when I put her finger in my mouth. I would like to do something else with my mouth, and not to her fingers, but I'll settle for this. For now.

Lisa... Lisa, you're so sweet. I want to eat you. Gobble you up.

But I can't. And it is with regret that I pull away and lick my lips.

"You should eat it."

I say while thinking about her body underneath her clothes, about the darkness in the storage shed akin to the darkness outside. About the dead of night when even the night owls don't prey. About my hands, both of them and not with this damned gun, on her skin and the blood when I enter her and bite her neck to make her bleed. Pleasure and pain.  
I can't trust myself, so I turn away from Lisa before I have my way with her and ruin whatever innocence remains. Somewhere inside of her is that seven year old girl that I met on the battlefield. It is for her that I turn away.

"Eat the blood. You'll understand your pain."  
But you will never understand mine. Not now, not ever. I pray to my gods that you never even have a glimpse of it.

For Chaos, I'm afraid, does control my heart and it is me you should be afraid of.

"The only way to truly understand a person's pain... Is to eat it."

Did you take my advice? Are you still lying awake at night thinking about my touch? Or are you thinking about the ocean, and monsters and demons are keeping you up at night? Am I one those demons too?  
No matter how much of you I have, even the blood still upon my lips can't make me understand all of your pain.  
For that, I would have to have more than a taste.

_It's like I'll disappear as soon as I close my eyes_ _I feel like I've turned into someone that even I don't recognize_ _...it seeks me out and whispers to me_ _This voice of thin darkness. _ _I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now_ _there's no escape._ (Shell—1/11/2009)

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**Author's Notes:** I think it is more disturbing for me to get into Kaze's head than Lisa's. I don't even want to try writing about Kumo. (that and his character is kind of boring to me, so don't expect me to anytime soon) Again, sorry if I upset anyone, but I did warn you guys about the content. (only the sexual content, but no that Kaze would become a sick f—k) Don't worry, next time you see me I'll write something bright and sunny.

One of these days. (lol)

Thank you for reading. :)


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